Do I love God?

Many years ago I was at a meeting and one of the participants said just in passing that she often asked herself the question do I love the God I work for or do I love the work of God. It is a question that has often come back to my mind. I am always very busy and I love meeting people and working with them. I love the writing I do and the books I have published. I love reflecting on the Scriptures and seeing how they were written and what the cultural reality was at the time they were written but you know the most important question I have to ask myself is not whether I love what I do but do I love God?

I often wonder when I meet people and talk about the challenge of the Gospel whether our faith lives are just a reality to us because living in a faith culture suits us psychologically and gives us a framework in which to operate. I wonder whether sometimes we do what we do out of habit rather than anything else.

Maybe part of the reason that our Churches are emptying is because people no longer find their personal needs being fulfilled there and so they move on. There is so much in the world now that attracts and fulfils. In the past the Church provided everything, socially physically and spiritually but now much can be found elsewhere. Even more disconcerting is the possibility that some of those who stay only stay because of some vague disquiet about leaving in case God smites them from above.

I think I am coming to the conclusion that most of us who say we have a relationship with God are not really into loving God. We are afraid of God and often try to control God or manipulate God into being what we want God to be. I guess it is why we are not open to change and newness and possibility and potential. I think it is why many of the saints are so challenging because their love of God makes them do seemingly foolish or outrageous things.